I blame my competitive spirit. I blame it on wanting what's best for my kids.
I recently started realizing that I am sorely lacking as a mother. Okay, let's be real, I always felt it, but it has definitely come to a head.
How I am failing my kids: They eat preservatives and processed foods and are washed with a brand recently discovered to have formaldehyde in it. They also have their bottoms in diapers filled with chemicals and they eat candy more than I care to admit. I don't currently have them on a vitamin regimen and have not trained them to be bilingual. As a family we produce more garbage than is ecologically friendly, like, a lot more. My kids do not spout off Bible verses instead of misbehaving and acting out. I currently have a 2 year old who is terrified of the toilet and my worst fears are confirmed, he will be in diapers in Kindergarten. I am not sleep training my 6 month old with the latest greatest training guides. I did not get my body back to pre-pregnancy-ness within a month of Nick being born (not there at 6 months either). I don't make my own baby food.
Hello guilt!
I am utterly imperfect and in my eyes, a failure as a mom and probably a person.
They say that Facebook is actually really unhealthy for you mentally. It can cause a longing for a life that doesn't really exist.
Comparison is the thief of joy. ~Theodore Roosevelt
As a perfectionist, I am constantly reevaluating how I do things. As a wife, a mom, a friend, etc. I started to look at what others were doing to find my source of perfection. I started to feel guilty that I wasn't leading my family in eating clean, recycling and using products that have no chemicals.
And I became desperately overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by all my imperfections.
Truth is, none of those things I was wishing I was are bad. And some of those things I will still aspire to do in our home. The problem was coming from finding my security and happiness in becoming those things.
I will be a good mom if.......
I will be a good wife if......
ETC.!!!!
Again with the striving Leta? Really? Pretty soon God will be beating me with a 2x4 if I don't get off of this striving for perfectionism bent. (That isn't how he works, by the way.)
2 Corinthians 12:9
And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. (New American Standard)
I find it ironic that here we are talking about perfection being found in weakness. It's almost laughable. It's like God knew this would be my issue and he put that in there just for me.
Truth is, there will always be MORE I can do for my family. My goal is to just not get caught up in that defining my worth. My new goal will be defining myself how God sees me through the sacrifice of Christ.
To tune my ear to hear what God has for my kids and family and not what all 700+ friends on Facebook (that is ridiculous, who has that many friends?), mommy blogs, news articles and every other station I can possibly tune my antennae to, to see what I *should* be doing. All of that will continue to leave me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.
And please don't send me hate messages if you do any of those above things (or don't for that matter), because that is not the point. The point is to listen to what God is telling you to do and obey. Don't add or subtract from that.
I am going to ease up on myself (and my kids!). Grace needs to be the number one thing you give yourself and your kids as you learn to parent. There is no manual so you will mess up. That's okay. Grace. Every day, sometimes every hour and minute. I encourage you to do the same with whatever you struggle with too.
There is freedom in grace.
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