Confessions of a Half-Crazy Mama

Confession #1

I eat in the corner like a criminal so I don't have to share my food with Rhee.

I mean, the kid is like a human garbage disposal and will eat anything! As long as I am eating it of course. He will eat Larabars (he calls these chocolate, who am I to tell him differently?), lima beans and coffee, yes, even coffee.

Of the iced variety. I've been able to keep him away from regular coffee by telling him it's hot. He hates hot things. To the point of spitting out lukewarm food declaring it 'HOT!'

However, anything with a straw is fair game and he wants it.

Hence my criminal activity in the kitchen.

Confession #2:

I sometimes put my kids to bed so I can relax. (Read: watch TV)

Hangs head.....

Enough said.

Confession #3

I sometimes gag when changing my 2 year old's dirty diaper. Really? You don't want to potty-train? You want to sit in that filth? Be my guest little friend.

Confession #4

I am able to withstand a lot more than I ever thought possible.

Like have my abdomen sliced open (by some very competent doctors) twice to have these two angels. Like eating half-masticated food when my toddler decides he no longer 'wants' it. Like giving up dairy for Nick who has a lactose intolerance. And like not sleeping more than 3 hours in a row nights on end.

They are SO worth it.

Confession #5

I can't tell you what I do all day as a SAHM but I know I'm never still all day and sleep really hard at night. Between those Nick feedings of course. Sometimes I sleep through those feedings....(should that be a confession too???)

Confession #6

I really want to fulfill Rhee's dreams of being outside all day (or even just an hour) but I just don't have the energy for it. This kid can disappear in 2 seconds flat and although we live on a cul-de-sac, there is a very busy road near us and my mommy nightmare scenario brain doesn't allow me to relax outside with him.

With good reason, one time I couldn't find him while loading up the car and after frantically running around the perimeter of my yard twice, screaming his name like a maniac, I found him in the front seat of our van, grinning from ear to ear. Being a mother of boys should have it's own manual.

Confession #7

I find grocery shopping with 2 small children is on par with having all 10 of your fingernails slowly removed. I have grey hair and I'm pretty sure this is one the top 5 causes of it.

Confession #8

I am secretly delighted that these two monkeys give me such great material for blogging. I have found I really enjoy writing. Just don't be too interesting....let's keep this PG boys.

Confession #9

I have totally made tons of mistakes already with both boys. And that is okay. There is grace for me, for them and the good news is, it never runs out.

Confession #10

I love these two squirts more then I ever thought possible! They make my day better and worse all at once. :) They make our lives harder and easier at the same time. With each of their births I feel our family more complete. So thankful for my little monkeys. <3

These are my top confessions TODAY. I have had and will have so many more. Now, I would love to know what your mama confessions are.....please share so we can all laugh and agree!!! :)

Defeated

In case you couldn't tell, I'm a perfectionist. It's a plague on my house. 

Perfectionism is, at its root, a pride issue.

To look at myself and pridefully declare that I am not good enough. This is after God has told me that I am redeemed through Christ and He sees me as covered by Christ's sacrifice on the cross. No amount of striving for perfectionism is going to make me any better than He already sees me.

Mother's Day Sunday at church was quite a revelation to me. Pastor Daniel was talking about striving. One Scripture stood out to me:

2 Peter 1:3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. (emphasis mine)

I don't have to rely on myself. I don't have to be perfect to be worthy in His eyes. So who exactly am I living for then? Others?

Just read a bit by Sarah Young in Jesus Calling stating that when we live for the approval of others, we place ourselves in bondage to them.

When I live in a place of striving for perfection and approval of others in my daily life, I set myself up for defeat. And to be truthful, I let defeat be more a part of my daily life than abundance than I would care to admit.

I want to live beyond the defeat perfectionism (striving) places in my life. What a trick the enemy plays on me. To whisper lies in my ear that I have to earn what is already mine.

So today I refuse to listen. I will instead listen to the One who loves me enough to give everything for me. A sinful and imperfect me. So that I don't have to strive, I have only to listen to His voice and hear what He has for my day and for my life.

To be free indeed. To live beyond the defeat of perfectionism.