When You Feel Like Screaming

Let's face it, raising kids is probably the hardest job there is out there.

Especially at that magical age of 2 (and 3, and 4 and.....according to my fellow mamas).

Rhee is poised to turn two next week and I feel like this is his most dramatic age yet. Late night feedings have nothing on the drama of a two year deprived of.....anything. Meltdowns abound and half of the time I have no idea what started them and what I can do to 'fix' them. We have tried all manner of discipline to help mold our young little man.

The other day we had the fit to end all fits. Nothing would calm him. I felt like screaming! Especially at him. I wanted to respond in an unmotherly-like manner (and have, plenty of other times lest you think me holier-than-thou).

The blessing however, was that tiny man Nick was down for a nap and I was able to step back and take a calm approach to his fist beating scream-fest. I scooped him up and held him and just whispered that I loved him and sang to him. Almost immediately, he began to calm down and he just kind of sighed into me. This time, he just needed that reassurance that I loved him. It went of a time of extreme frustration for both us to to a time of love, giggles and cuddles, which if you know Rhee, he is a daddy's boy so it was balm for this mama's heart to connect with him on this level. Quiet and contentment, found in my love for my son.

As I have thought about this situation the past few days, God gave kept reminding me and putting this Scripture in front of me (in so many different ways!):

Zephaniah 3:17
For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Sometimes I think God gives us children so He can show us just how much He loves us. I have always loved this verse but it took on whole new meaning when I was able to see it played out with my son in real life. How many times have I thrown a fit, beating my fists on the ground with God? And His delight is to take us up in His arms and love on us in our ugliness. Because His love (and grace) knows no bounds and He rejoices over me with singing.

So next time you feel like screaming, take a step back and realize that sometimes God is teaching you as you teach your children.

A Case of the Mondays

Please grant me some grace as you read this post.

Ever had a day that you wish you could fast-forward through or just banish all together? I think we all do. Unfortunately, I have them more often than I care to admit. Especially since I am living my dream of being a SAHM.

So ungrateful am I.

Today I have a case of the Mondays:

My oldest CANNOT. STOP. WHINING. I have no idea what is wrong with him other than he is almost 2.

My youngest pooped all over and ruined another outfit and part of my ottoman.

I am not yet dressed for today (reoccurring theme).

I have no desire at all to tackle my to do list, it usually energizes me, today just a drain on the already low supply that I have.

Making dinner sounds like I task I just don't want to do. Pretty sad when you consider my hubs works so hard during the day and that is what makes him feel really loved. (Don't worry, I'll do it, I just won't like it!)

As I stop to look over this list, there is no real complaint here. My life is excellent, health, jobs, 2 kids, cars in the driveway, roof over my head, food in my pantry.

Like it often is, it is a case of perspective. I am focusing on the discouraging rather than the blessings. Thankfulness leads to joy. Something I am sorely lacking today. The monotony of my daily life has come in and crushed my spirits. Another day of wiping poopy butts, listening to whining and trying to think up new and creative ways to feed a toddler a meal. This is what I always wanted right?

Sometimes you just need to step back, take a deep breath and realize that my house won't always be a mess, my boys will grow up and leave me and I will look back on this time in longing. I won't always be tired, I will get my revenge when they are teenagers. :)

Having a heart for thankfulness is a choice. Today it is a tough choice, but a choice it is. So I choose to be thankful for the kind words of my friend Emily today, who didn't even know I was having a bad day. Thankful for baby snuggles and toddler kisses. Thankful for a hubs who works so hard for us. Thankful for the sun, naptimes and Little Einsteins.

Don't give in to your case of the Mondays, fight for a heart of thankfulness and joy is surely to follow.

Henry, My Resourceful Son

I'm not quite sure how to describe my oldest son Henry's (Rhee) personality. Sanguine to be sure but extremely meticulous also. It is so wonderful to see him grow up, learn and discover. He is a daddy's boy who cries hysterically any time daddy leaves. He loves to give kisses and charm people. He often plays shy and loves to play with other kiddos.

I feel like I'm going to really have to stay on my toes with this one though. I think I might have a bit of a trickster on my hands and he is so charming, I feel like he is going to get into some scrapes.

I have several examples that have arisen in the past several days that attest to this.

This week we made an unscheduled visit to our pediatrician. For Nick. We ended up with two prescriptions for Rhee. Don't ask. On the way out the door, in my frazzled state (normal state when I'm out in public with my 2 under 2), I ran back to the exam room, meanwhile Rhee grabs a sucker from a counter he is barely able to reach. I'm not even sure how he knew it was there. Maybe kids have a radar for candy, who knows?

I let him keep it thinking I would open it for him later and letting him hold it would deter the dreaded public meltdown. We made our way across the street in the car to our chiropractor's office, and in that duration, I begin to hear crunching come from the backseat. Rhee had circumvented the wrapper by chewing through it and when I parked, I looked back and him, defiant and satisfied. I felt those eyes telling me that he was smarter than mama and that he is going to give me a run for my money in this lifetime.

Also this week, I learned an important lesson. When all is quiet, all is not fine. We live in a two story home and all of our bedrooms are upstairs. We have begun a new independence (for both mama and Rhee) in letting him meander through out the house. He has full access to the downstairs and now his room upstairs also (all other doors upstairs closed, but that is a different lesson for a different day). He can freely move between floors and the toys therein. I do have a monitor on so I can keep an ear on him.

Sometimes the length of time in which I have heard a peep from him goes unnoticed. Then I start and realize, that more than likely, we have a problem with the lack of sound. This week, I ran upstairs, wondering what he was into and I wished I had a camera with me.

The scene that greeted me was my little resourceful almost 2 year old was the lowest level drawer of his dresser opened, him standing in it to reach the books on top of it. It's a wonder it did not break. I was equally proud and disturbed.

Proud that he is a thinker and smart, disturbed that he is a thinker and smart, how will I ever stay ahead of him?

Thankfully, raising children isn't a sprint, it is a marathon. I have time to work on molding him and it will be an adventure.

Love the quote I read yesterday, words to live by and I will leave you with them today as we both go out and raise our little Houdinis.

You have the exact qualities God knew your kids would need in a mother. So, each day, hold up your willingness and ask God to make you the best version of you that you can possibly be. ~ Lysa TerKuerst