When I feel disappointed, I'm thankful because I know God has something better for my life.
When I am fatigued, I am thankful because the cause is two healthy little boys.
When I am sad and discouraged, I am thankful because it reminds me that this world fades quickly.
When I am confused, I am thankful that God is silently working on my behalf.
When I have given everything, I am thankful that God shows up best in the weak.
When I make mistakes, I am thankful for God's grace.
When I am selfish, I am thankful that my Father gave His Son selflessly for my inadequacies.
When I am overwhelmed, I am thankful God directs my steps and orders my days.
When those around me are hurting, I am thankful God loves them even more than I do and cares about their troubles.
When I have the wrong reaction, I'm glad that God never does. He is constant.
When I get tangled in the world's concerns, I'm glad God gives me peace and contentment.
When I neglect thankfulness, I am SO THANKFUL that God lets me pick right back up where I left off and restores my tired soul by being thankful for the hard things.
He is good even when I am ugly.
Thankful.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Monday, January 6, 2014
Overwhelmed
***Writer's note: This blog post was originally written in 6/12 and around that time I abandoned blogging because something about summer and warm weather keeps me away from my computer. I feel so much better about these things than I did then but thought perhaps there are other moms out there struggling with comparison and striving to strive. Enjoy!
I blame my competitive spirit. I blame it on wanting what's best for my kids.
I recently started realizing that I am sorely lacking as a mother. Okay, let's be real, I always felt it, but it has definitely come to a head.
How I am failing my kids: They eat preservatives and processed foods and are washed with a brand recently discovered to have formaldehyde in it. They also have their bottoms in diapers filled with chemicals and they eat candy more than I care to admit. I don't currently have them on a vitamin regimen and have not trained them to be bilingual. As a family we produce more garbage than is ecologically friendly, like, a lot more. My kids do not spout off Bible verses instead of misbehaving and acting out. I currently have a 2 year old who is terrified of the toilet and my worst fears are confirmed, he will be in diapers in Kindergarten. I am not sleep training my 6 month old with the latest greatest training guides. I did not get my body back to pre-pregnancy-ness within a month of Nick being born (not there at 6 months either). I don't make my own baby food.
Hello guilt!
I am utterly imperfect and in my eyes, a failure as a mom and probably a person.
They say that Facebook is actually really unhealthy for you mentally. It can cause a longing for a life that doesn't really exist.
Comparison is the thief of joy. ~Theodore Roosevelt
As a perfectionist, I am constantly reevaluating how I do things. As a wife, a mom, a friend, etc. I started to look at what others were doing to find my source of perfection. I started to feel guilty that I wasn't leading my family in eating clean, recycling and using products that have no chemicals.
And I became desperately overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by all my imperfections.
Truth is, none of those things I was wishing I was are bad. And some of those things I will still aspire to do in our home. The problem was coming from finding my security and happiness in becoming those things.
I will be a good mom if.......
I will be a good wife if......
ETC.!!!!
Again with the striving Leta? Really? Pretty soon God will be beating me with a 2x4 if I don't get off of this striving for perfectionism bent. (That isn't how he works, by the way.)
2 Corinthians 12:9
And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. (New American Standard)
I find it ironic that here we are talking about perfection being found in weakness. It's almost laughable. It's like God knew this would be my issue and he put that in there just for me.
Truth is, there will always be MORE I can do for my family. My goal is to just not get caught up in that defining my worth. My new goal will be defining myself how God sees me through the sacrifice of Christ.
To tune my ear to hear what God has for my kids and family and not what all 700+ friends on Facebook (that is ridiculous, who has that many friends?), mommy blogs, news articles and every other station I can possibly tune my antennae to, to see what I *should* be doing. All of that will continue to leave me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.
And please don't send me hate messages if you do any of those above things (or don't for that matter), because that is not the point. The point is to listen to what God is telling you to do and obey. Don't add or subtract from that.
I am going to ease up on myself (and my kids!). Grace needs to be the number one thing you give yourself and your kids as you learn to parent. There is no manual so you will mess up. That's okay. Grace. Every day, sometimes every hour and minute. I encourage you to do the same with whatever you struggle with too.
There is freedom in grace.
I blame my competitive spirit. I blame it on wanting what's best for my kids.
I recently started realizing that I am sorely lacking as a mother. Okay, let's be real, I always felt it, but it has definitely come to a head.
How I am failing my kids: They eat preservatives and processed foods and are washed with a brand recently discovered to have formaldehyde in it. They also have their bottoms in diapers filled with chemicals and they eat candy more than I care to admit. I don't currently have them on a vitamin regimen and have not trained them to be bilingual. As a family we produce more garbage than is ecologically friendly, like, a lot more. My kids do not spout off Bible verses instead of misbehaving and acting out. I currently have a 2 year old who is terrified of the toilet and my worst fears are confirmed, he will be in diapers in Kindergarten. I am not sleep training my 6 month old with the latest greatest training guides. I did not get my body back to pre-pregnancy-ness within a month of Nick being born (not there at 6 months either). I don't make my own baby food.
Hello guilt!
I am utterly imperfect and in my eyes, a failure as a mom and probably a person.
They say that Facebook is actually really unhealthy for you mentally. It can cause a longing for a life that doesn't really exist.
Comparison is the thief of joy. ~Theodore Roosevelt
As a perfectionist, I am constantly reevaluating how I do things. As a wife, a mom, a friend, etc. I started to look at what others were doing to find my source of perfection. I started to feel guilty that I wasn't leading my family in eating clean, recycling and using products that have no chemicals.
And I became desperately overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by all my imperfections.
Truth is, none of those things I was wishing I was are bad. And some of those things I will still aspire to do in our home. The problem was coming from finding my security and happiness in becoming those things.
I will be a good mom if.......
I will be a good wife if......
ETC.!!!!
Again with the striving Leta? Really? Pretty soon God will be beating me with a 2x4 if I don't get off of this striving for perfectionism bent. (That isn't how he works, by the way.)
2 Corinthians 12:9
And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. (New American Standard)
I find it ironic that here we are talking about perfection being found in weakness. It's almost laughable. It's like God knew this would be my issue and he put that in there just for me.
Truth is, there will always be MORE I can do for my family. My goal is to just not get caught up in that defining my worth. My new goal will be defining myself how God sees me through the sacrifice of Christ.
To tune my ear to hear what God has for my kids and family and not what all 700+ friends on Facebook (that is ridiculous, who has that many friends?), mommy blogs, news articles and every other station I can possibly tune my antennae to, to see what I *should* be doing. All of that will continue to leave me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.
And please don't send me hate messages if you do any of those above things (or don't for that matter), because that is not the point. The point is to listen to what God is telling you to do and obey. Don't add or subtract from that.
I am going to ease up on myself (and my kids!). Grace needs to be the number one thing you give yourself and your kids as you learn to parent. There is no manual so you will mess up. That's okay. Grace. Every day, sometimes every hour and minute. I encourage you to do the same with whatever you struggle with too.
There is freedom in grace.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Watch Nick Grow
Newborn little reindeer at the hospital. :)
He is growing up way too quickly!! What a little charmer!
3 months old
4 months
6 months
7 months
9 months
10 months
11 months
5 months
8 months
12 months! My big boy 1 year old! Cannot believe a year has passed already! My little Nicholas Hans is such a blessing to us. Happy, trail-blazer, smart and super cute. We love everything about him. Can't wait to see what he continues to grow into in life.
Monday, June 17, 2013
When My Ugly Escapes
There is just something about the doctor's office that brings out the worst in me.
Like that time I practically bit off the receptionist's head at the OB/GYN's office when I was pregnant with Rhee.
Or when I sigh loudly and roll my eyes in the waiting area when my wait goes anywhere past 15 minutes of my appointment time.
Or how about today, when a lady with her four kids came in and 'sat' in the waiting room with us. And by sat I mean, kicked my kid's stroller, invaded my personal space, handed my kids trash, asked me a million inane questions and kept touching my phone where Rhee was playing a game. Hear me now, I DO NOT HAVE 4 children and cannot imagine the stress of going to the doctor's office with them all (I barely survived with 2) but a little help from her would have been nice. Let's just say I was super grateful when we got called back so my 6 month old could be tortured with needles and the like.
Being a mom is tough.
Minefields await at every turn!
Your kids are the worst behaved in public. Your kids say embarrassing things about you. Your kids make you apathetic towards poop, boogers and vomit. Your kids act a fool and make you want to lose your mind. Your kids make you act like pond scum, stuff you'd always said you would never do. (Can I get an amen?)
Grace.
It covers me and it covers that blessed mom of 4 at my appointment today. If children teach me anything, it will be that I have to walk in grace from God, myself, my hubs, my family and my friends (and random strangers too).
I do not have it all together and it's okay because grace covers my day if I let it. Do I sense a theme here?
"My grace is sufficient for you". -God
Even when you are your ugliest. Even when you have failed for the thousandth time.
Grace, it is even more than I know I need. It is enough.
Like that time I practically bit off the receptionist's head at the OB/GYN's office when I was pregnant with Rhee.
Or when I sigh loudly and roll my eyes in the waiting area when my wait goes anywhere past 15 minutes of my appointment time.
Or how about today, when a lady with her four kids came in and 'sat' in the waiting room with us. And by sat I mean, kicked my kid's stroller, invaded my personal space, handed my kids trash, asked me a million inane questions and kept touching my phone where Rhee was playing a game. Hear me now, I DO NOT HAVE 4 children and cannot imagine the stress of going to the doctor's office with them all (I barely survived with 2) but a little help from her would have been nice. Let's just say I was super grateful when we got called back so my 6 month old could be tortured with needles and the like.
Being a mom is tough.
Minefields await at every turn!
Your kids are the worst behaved in public. Your kids say embarrassing things about you. Your kids make you apathetic towards poop, boogers and vomit. Your kids act a fool and make you want to lose your mind. Your kids make you act like pond scum, stuff you'd always said you would never do. (Can I get an amen?)
Grace.
It covers me and it covers that blessed mom of 4 at my appointment today. If children teach me anything, it will be that I have to walk in grace from God, myself, my hubs, my family and my friends (and random strangers too).
I do not have it all together and it's okay because grace covers my day if I let it. Do I sense a theme here?
"My grace is sufficient for you". -God
Even when you are your ugliest. Even when you have failed for the thousandth time.
Grace, it is even more than I know I need. It is enough.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Said No Mom Ever!
My Top 10 "Said No Mom Evers"
10. I find it useful for an entire day to pass with no clear tasks ever having been accomplished.
9. I really enjoy hearing 2 kids cry simultaneously.
8. That trip to the ER wasn't stressful at all!
7. I prefer my sleep schedule post-kids.
6. I enjoy my house becoming instantaneously dirty after I spend half a day cleaning it.
5. Never being truly finished with laundry inspires me.
4. My child misbehaving at a play date (or anywhere really) makes me feel like mom of the year.
3. I love it when my children's actions prohibit me from showering or brushing my teeth until 5pm.
2. I totally hate when my toddler says "I wud you mommy"
1. My life was so much better before having my two crazy angelic children.
SAID NO MOM EVER!
10. I find it useful for an entire day to pass with no clear tasks ever having been accomplished.
9. I really enjoy hearing 2 kids cry simultaneously.
8. That trip to the ER wasn't stressful at all!
7. I prefer my sleep schedule post-kids.
6. I enjoy my house becoming instantaneously dirty after I spend half a day cleaning it.
5. Never being truly finished with laundry inspires me.
4. My child misbehaving at a play date (or anywhere really) makes me feel like mom of the year.
3. I love it when my children's actions prohibit me from showering or brushing my teeth until 5pm.
2. I totally hate when my toddler says "I wud you mommy"
1. My life was so much better before having my two crazy angelic children.
SAID NO MOM EVER!
Friday, May 17, 2013
Confessions of a Half-Crazy Mama
Confession #1
I eat in the corner like a criminal so I don't have to share my food with Rhee.
I mean, the kid is like a human garbage disposal and will eat anything! As long as I am eating it of course. He will eat Larabars (he calls these chocolate, who am I to tell him differently?), lima beans and coffee, yes, even coffee.
Of the iced variety. I've been able to keep him away from regular coffee by telling him it's hot. He hates hot things. To the point of spitting out lukewarm food declaring it 'HOT!'
However, anything with a straw is fair game and he wants it.
Hence my criminal activity in the kitchen.
Confession #2:
I sometimes put my kids to bed so I can relax. (Read: watch TV)
Hangs head.....
Enough said.
Confession #3
I sometimes gag when changing my 2 year old's dirty diaper. Really? You don't want to potty-train? You want to sit in that filth? Be my guest little friend.
Confession #4
I am able to withstand a lot more than I ever thought possible.
Like have my abdomen sliced open (by some very competent doctors) twice to have these two angels. Like eating half-masticated food when my toddler decides he no longer 'wants' it. Like giving up dairy for Nick who has a lactose intolerance. And like not sleeping more than 3 hours in a row nights on end.
They are SO worth it.
Confession #5
I can't tell you what I do all day as a SAHM but I know I'm never still all day and sleep really hard at night. Between those Nick feedings of course. Sometimes I sleep through those feedings....(should that be a confession too???)
Confession #6
I really want to fulfill Rhee's dreams of being outside all day (or even just an hour) but I just don't have the energy for it. This kid can disappear in 2 seconds flat and although we live on a cul-de-sac, there is a very busy road near us and my mommy nightmare scenario brain doesn't allow me to relax outside with him.
With good reason, one time I couldn't find him while loading up the car and after frantically running around the perimeter of my yard twice, screaming his name like a maniac, I found him in the front seat of our van, grinning from ear to ear. Being a mother of boys should have it's own manual.
Confession #7
I find grocery shopping with 2 small children is on par with having all 10 of your fingernails slowly removed. I have grey hair and I'm pretty sure this is one the top 5 causes of it.
Confession #8
I am secretly delighted that these two monkeys give me such great material for blogging. I have found I really enjoy writing. Just don't be too interesting....let's keep this PG boys.
Confession #9
I have totally made tons of mistakes already with both boys. And that is okay. There is grace for me, for them and the good news is, it never runs out.
Confession #10
I love these two squirts more then I ever thought possible! They make my day better and worse all at once. :) They make our lives harder and easier at the same time. With each of their births I feel our family more complete. So thankful for my little monkeys. <3
These are my top confessions TODAY. I have had and will have so many more. Now, I would love to know what your mama confessions are.....please share so we can all laugh and agree!!! :)
I eat in the corner like a criminal so I don't have to share my food with Rhee.
I mean, the kid is like a human garbage disposal and will eat anything! As long as I am eating it of course. He will eat Larabars (he calls these chocolate, who am I to tell him differently?), lima beans and coffee, yes, even coffee.
Of the iced variety. I've been able to keep him away from regular coffee by telling him it's hot. He hates hot things. To the point of spitting out lukewarm food declaring it 'HOT!'
However, anything with a straw is fair game and he wants it.
Hence my criminal activity in the kitchen.
Confession #2:
I sometimes put my kids to bed so I can relax. (Read: watch TV)
Hangs head.....
Enough said.
Confession #3
I sometimes gag when changing my 2 year old's dirty diaper. Really? You don't want to potty-train? You want to sit in that filth? Be my guest little friend.
Confession #4
I am able to withstand a lot more than I ever thought possible.
Like have my abdomen sliced open (by some very competent doctors) twice to have these two angels. Like eating half-masticated food when my toddler decides he no longer 'wants' it. Like giving up dairy for Nick who has a lactose intolerance. And like not sleeping more than 3 hours in a row nights on end.
They are SO worth it.
Confession #5
I can't tell you what I do all day as a SAHM but I know I'm never still all day and sleep really hard at night. Between those Nick feedings of course. Sometimes I sleep through those feedings....(should that be a confession too???)
Confession #6
I really want to fulfill Rhee's dreams of being outside all day (or even just an hour) but I just don't have the energy for it. This kid can disappear in 2 seconds flat and although we live on a cul-de-sac, there is a very busy road near us and my mommy nightmare scenario brain doesn't allow me to relax outside with him.
With good reason, one time I couldn't find him while loading up the car and after frantically running around the perimeter of my yard twice, screaming his name like a maniac, I found him in the front seat of our van, grinning from ear to ear. Being a mother of boys should have it's own manual.
Confession #7
I find grocery shopping with 2 small children is on par with having all 10 of your fingernails slowly removed. I have grey hair and I'm pretty sure this is one the top 5 causes of it.
Confession #8
I am secretly delighted that these two monkeys give me such great material for blogging. I have found I really enjoy writing. Just don't be too interesting....let's keep this PG boys.
Confession #9
I have totally made tons of mistakes already with both boys. And that is okay. There is grace for me, for them and the good news is, it never runs out.
Confession #10
I love these two squirts more then I ever thought possible! They make my day better and worse all at once. :) They make our lives harder and easier at the same time. With each of their births I feel our family more complete. So thankful for my little monkeys. <3
These are my top confessions TODAY. I have had and will have so many more. Now, I would love to know what your mama confessions are.....please share so we can all laugh and agree!!! :)
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Defeated
In case you couldn't tell, I'm a perfectionist. It's a plague on my house.
Perfectionism is, at its root, a pride issue.
To look at myself and pridefully declare that I am not good enough. This is after God has told me that I am redeemed through Christ and He sees me as covered by Christ's sacrifice on the cross. No amount of striving for perfectionism is going to make me any better than He already sees me.
Mother's Day Sunday at church was quite a revelation to me. Pastor Daniel was talking about striving. One Scripture stood out to me:
2 Peter 1:3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. (emphasis mine)
I don't have to rely on myself. I don't have to be perfect to be worthy in His eyes. So who exactly am I living for then? Others?
Just read a bit by Sarah Young in Jesus Calling stating that when we live for the approval of others, we place ourselves in bondage to them.
When I live in a place of striving for perfection and approval of others in my daily life, I set myself up for defeat. And to be truthful, I let defeat be more a part of my daily life than abundance than I would care to admit.
I want to live beyond the defeat perfectionism (striving) places in my life. What a trick the enemy plays on me. To whisper lies in my ear that I have to earn what is already mine.
So today I refuse to listen. I will instead listen to the One who loves me enough to give everything for me. A sinful and imperfect me. So that I don't have to strive, I have only to listen to His voice and hear what He has for my day and for my life.
To be free indeed. To live beyond the defeat of perfectionism.
Perfectionism is, at its root, a pride issue.
To look at myself and pridefully declare that I am not good enough. This is after God has told me that I am redeemed through Christ and He sees me as covered by Christ's sacrifice on the cross. No amount of striving for perfectionism is going to make me any better than He already sees me.
Mother's Day Sunday at church was quite a revelation to me. Pastor Daniel was talking about striving. One Scripture stood out to me:
2 Peter 1:3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. (emphasis mine)
I don't have to rely on myself. I don't have to be perfect to be worthy in His eyes. So who exactly am I living for then? Others?
Just read a bit by Sarah Young in Jesus Calling stating that when we live for the approval of others, we place ourselves in bondage to them.
When I live in a place of striving for perfection and approval of others in my daily life, I set myself up for defeat. And to be truthful, I let defeat be more a part of my daily life than abundance than I would care to admit.
I want to live beyond the defeat perfectionism (striving) places in my life. What a trick the enemy plays on me. To whisper lies in my ear that I have to earn what is already mine.
So today I refuse to listen. I will instead listen to the One who loves me enough to give everything for me. A sinful and imperfect me. So that I don't have to strive, I have only to listen to His voice and hear what He has for my day and for my life.
To be free indeed. To live beyond the defeat of perfectionism.
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